Sheep Hoarding is Not a Joke: An Easy, Seven-Step Program Designed to Change Your Life

ATTENTION: NO SHEEP WERE HURT IN THE MAKING OF THIS POST.

If you are reading this, you or a loved one probably has an issue with sheep hoarding. Don't worry. This is curable and completely natural. My seven-step program took years of research and is kind of guaranteed to make your life different. Don't believe me? Ask our satisfied customers!

Ask Wendy!

 

Ask James!

You could be just like them! Follow the steps below to achieve your DREAMS!

1. Step one is to admit you have a sheep hoarding problem. It's okay, you're not alone.

    2. Once you have admitted you have a problem, meditate. This may be the most important step in the process. Everyday you must hike up a dangerous mountain path. At the top, build a fire inside a cave and sing a mystical jungle chant. You may eat nothing but berries and dry toast. Any violation of this step may lead to severe consequences.

    3. Shave your sheep. Sheep are usually so hoardable because of their soft coats. Once they no longer have such a beautiful layer of fuzz, you may find yourself despising the sheep you once loved to hoard. This is good.

  

   4. Donate their fur to a local animal shelter. If the animal shelter won't take their wool, give them to a person you don't know. You might even make a new friend!

    5. Donate your sheep to a local hospital. Although the hospital may be resistant at first, we can kind of guarantee that they will eventually take your sheep in and treat them as family. It never fails!

  

   6. Change your focus of interest to something more healthy, like perhaps a board game, or yoga.

   7. Get a pet to keep you company. It should be fuzzy and not to big. Here is a list of animals you may want to consider:

• kitten
• hamster
• velociraptor
• rhinoceros
• puppy
• pirahna
• sheep

If this does not help, I can only say that you are psychologically disturbed. It's okay, this natural and completely curable. For more help, call 1-800-PSYCHOLOGICALLYDISTURBED.

YOU HAVE RECENTLY BECOME A BETTER PERSON. TELL YOUR FRIENDS.

POTENTIAL ENERGY: THE MOST BORING THING EVER

Okay, look. This post is not about potential energy. I just really, really hate potential energy. I mean, seriously!!! It doesn't even do anything except sit around and wait to become kinetic! And sometimes, that doesn't even happen. It's like a Hollywood wannabe. Eughhh. You may have noticed I have been changing my blog format a lot recently. See, I think it's cool to spice things up every now and then. And always. So yeah.

I have good news...

The drought of strange animals with cool names has come to an end!!!! Ladies, gentlemen...please welcome...

GREGORY

Isn't Gregory beautiful?

CERTIFICATE OF STRANGE YET AWESOMENESS

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

You are STRANGE yet awesome.

SIGNED, BECCA, THE ALMIGHTY LORD OF ALL THINGS STRANGE YET AWESOME

School Should Be Illegal

Hey, kids! You probably just started school, right? Looking forward to that heap of homework, right? WRONG! Why should you be dragged from the comforts of your home to the mandatory torture we call SCHOOL?! School is, for starters, bad for your self esteem. What right do those so called "teachers" have to judge us based on how smart we is?!?! The tick to good self esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met! We're perfect the way we are! Next off, homework, is, I believe, listed under the United States Justice System as a cruel or unusual punishment. (Well...no, it's not, but it should be!!!) So, my equals, my peers! Raise your fists in unity! Raise your fist and join us in our quest to expel SCHOOL!

*Sigh.* Yes, I started two weeks ago.  o___O

THIS IS THE TITLE OF THE POST I AM WRITING

Okay, folks. I'm having a bit of writer's block, and am severely stuck. Perhaps you charming people and/or robots could enlighten me on what you actually want to read about? I mean, just look at the title of this post. I admit I've done better. So I decided to use this post to draw a picture of puffins on a rampage, considering that the title of my last post had nothing to do with its content.

So if you want to suggest something, please feel free to comment. Thanks!

Puffins on a Rampage

I'm ashamed. It's been so liong since I last posted. Except guess what???? There was a power outage in my house yesterday! I woke up and then suddenly my hallway light went off and so did my closet light. And I was like, "Dad? The power totally just went out." And we checked everything and nothing would work and it didn't come back on until six. Also we had to eat all the ice cream we owned because it was melting because the freezer wasn't cooling it and we actually managed to eat two and a half containers of ice cream. RUN ON SENTENCES!!!!!!! Hahahaahahahahahahaahahhaha......